Insert Chassis Albuquerque: The Sundial Salesman - Opening Scene

The Sundial Salesman - Opening Scene

I OVERHEARD A conversation between my boss Shimansky and his son talking on the phone. That asshole Shimansky said, "What are you doing?" and the son must've replied he was drunk because Shimansky suddenly went berserk and shouted, "Drunk! It’s 11 in the morning! You’re only 12 years old...!" as if the time the boy was drunk mattered more than his age.
The boy must have asked Shimansky what he was going to do about it because Shimansky suddenly shouted into the phone like a homicidal maniac: "Do about it! Why, I'm gonna come home right now and bash your face with the iron to teach you a lesson...!" and with that Shimansky had slammed the phone down and was gone.
So my day was clear.
"August! Hold all calls, I don't want to be disturbed!" I shouted down the phone at her. She couldn’t have been more than seventeen going on stupid and the stinking danger of the permanently young showed on her face. I lay back and slouched in the expensive leather chair, sat my feet up on his desk and stared out over the city. I wondered if it had occurred to Shimansky his boy had at least been honest, if nothing else. An honest drunk's a good drunk. I also thought about the iron Shimansky had threatened him with, was it just a regular iron or steam? Maybe it was even one of those old fashioned ones you had to heat on a fire first - that struck me as the type Shimansky would enjoy. I could picture the boy, Shimansky making him watch and wait while the iron heated up on the fire - and first Shimansky would have to make the fire.
It was from Shimansky I'd learnt a curious Polish tradition: Putting your child in the washing machine to improve and correct their attitude - depending on the severity of the misbehaviour this determined the number of spins and type of cycle: Delicate, Regular, Half-load, Express, Wool - RINSE.
"Technology!" Shimansky had beamed maniacally.

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