Insert Chassis Albuquerque: March 2017

'Human waste' in cans forces shutdown at Coca-Cola plant in Northern Ireland

By Claire O'Boyle
March 28 2017

 Police have launched an investigation after what appears to be human waste was found in a shipment of drinks cans at a Co Antrim factory.

The night shift at Lisburn's Coca-Cola plant was disrupted last week when a container of cans thought to have arrived from Germany clogged up the machines - only for workers to discover a number were filled with what looked like human waste.

Sound Dating Advice or: How The Rise of Post-Feminism Has Allowed For Equality In Society.

Dating Etiquette - Never open the door for a woman on your first date. Bad move, pal. Let me explain: A long time ago women were dutifully impregnated and stared out the kitchen window while cooking or doing the dishes wondering about a different, better time - how would all those women who suffered then feel now if you were to open a door for them?

The Number.

"Hi. Is that God?"
There was a pause.
Surprisingly he thinks he recognises the voice on the other end – he should, of course.
Then a voice said: "Could be, who's asking?"
"Detective Gunstormer."
"Ah, Gunstormer - you are a persistent one. How'd you get this number?"
"We'll, God, you're a hard man to track down. But I found you, eventually."

All Dead

All dead. Those guys in the photo there, they were great writers, guys who could make you laugh, and make you cry. All dead now, their last words? Hunter S Thompson left a note for his wife titled “Football Season Is Over “ before he shot himself. Allen Ginsberg said "Toodle-oo!" according to Ken Keysey, who was there when he died; Keysey himself died of complications, medical in nature, but nothing specific. F. Scott Fitzgerald was asked if he wanted anything and, just before he died, he said Hershey bars would be good enough for him. Things you should be aware of: There are no new stories, only new writers. Those guys in the photo - Bukowski, Thompson, Kerouac, Roth, Ginsberg, Keysey, Salinger, Fitzgerald - they already knew that. So time for someone new, someone who can make you laugh, and make you cry.

It's Tough Being A Woman

First let me apologise for the late posting, I've been preoccupied with the social networking site Facebook - you heard of it? If you haven't check it out here: The Facebook site allows registered users to upload all kinds of shit -threats, very graphic violent images, stuff you should probably get locked up for and, if not, then at least for a period of observation by properly qualified mental practitioners; you can also keep in contact with family, friends and people you know and they may know.

A minor writer, of minor standing

Dear Writer,

Thank you for your email and the material which we enjoyed reading.
Unfortunately, while there is definitely something there, we feel after some very careful, protracted consideration it's not exactly what we're looking for.
Thank you for letting us consider your work and, hey, all the best in the future...!

Kind regards,