Insert Chassis Albuquerque: February 2017

26 February 2017

Lucozade And Other Theories...


I had a note from Albert yesterday, you know, Albert Einstein? He was complaining about the way the world was changing, how mankind only knew propensity for war or destruction or always some kind of situation which involved another losing.
And cheesecake. He maintained that since all his fancy theorems had come to fruition the taste of cheesecake had inevitably changed forever (this was another theory he was working on, The Dilution of Subatomic Particles, but never released).


21 February 2017

Career Summary - PART 2


1999 - 2001: This next period is possibly my most enjoyable period of employment. For three years I zip all over the city employed by the government in their human organ donor program, I am a courier in human body parts! What an exciting and different occupation, on 24 hour call, awaiting tragedy to strike.


9 February 2017

Career Summary - PART 1


1990 – 1992: I’m employed at a fast food restaurant, staff number SM020474. Training is vigorous, staff turnover high and many fall by the wayside. I learn the menu by rote and am promoted to FLOOR MANAGER, a nominal event. Later, demonstrating uncharacteristic initiative I identify an opportunity to embark upon a subtle, aggressive program of sabotage, though the reason for this eludes me.


3 February 2017

Never Talk To Strangers


"God is an existentialist clown!"
"I'm sorry - what did you say?" 
"You heard me! Don't fuck with me, lady...!" the woman yelled.
"Please, lower your voice a little, you'll alarm the other passengers. Now, what exactly is your problem?"
"Well, according to the voices in my head it's my duty to tell you flying as a mode of transport is not safe."
"I see, hold on a second..." the steward said and pressed a button. Almost immediately the captain appeared from behind the locked cockpit door.