Insert Chassis Albuquerque: November 2016

29 November 2016

The Inconvenience.

Well, it happened.
I just knew it would.
The end of the world, bright nuclear pinpricks of cloudy heat and light rising upwards on the New Mexico horizon as the radio fizzled and crackled from all the electromagnetic interference. Talk about an inconvenience, I was supposed to be signing a publishing deal tomorrow - how had this happened? A software error, a fucking software problem! We’d mistakenly misread a RADAR signal and opened fire on a jet ski and blown up a tourist believing it was the entire Russian sea-force invading! Of course, this act had escalated tensions internationally,

25 November 2016

Actors & Assholes

There two kinds of assholes in this world, the kind you tolerate and the kind you don’t but I suspect between two assholes a woman would always most times choose the asshole with the most cash in the bank. Let me explain: She'd just returned from auditioning for a new movie by Holland Tiburg (you know, the guy who'd directed Arum Lily & the Kite? Tiburg, world-renowned for his craft and attention to detail).
"I met him!" she said; very curiously she seemed furious.
“You met Tiburg?” I said, incredulous.
 "I sure did - he wanted me to

22 November 2016

"You With The Cops?"

"Yes, I sure am," I lied. "I'd like to buy that car. How much?" I asked the salesman circling it, a Russian-built 1983 red 7-seater Lada Nova tagged $16,000.
"For you – uh, $9,000?" the salesman said, sizing me up.
"What's the mileage?"
"It's Russian, you know, Communist? They don’t use mileage."
“What they use then?”
“You sure you not with the cops?” the salesman asked suspiciously.
"What year is it?"
The salesman looked confused.
"Whaddya mean? It’s 2016," he said. I guess the Russians hadn't

19 November 2016

Lies, Love & All The Facts.

I'd noticed my girlfriend – who’s turned out to be genius at proving me wrong - often said things I’d regret. It was her idea, this writing business, which is not as simple as it seems. Her idea was:

I wasn't to look for employment with a regular, dependable paycheque every month, no, I was to be a goddamn writer

Because being a writer means you really want to limit all opportunities available and try capitalise on every opportunity not to provide any income for yourelf.
"Writing? What are you – crazy? You're no help at all!" I'd yelled at her hysterically.